Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Tiger Woods Is Thinking What You're Thinking, Because He's Also Thinking What We're Thinking, Which Is "Hot Dogs!!"

(And Also, Hope Solo)

Up there in the title of this here post is what I like to call the Tiger Woods Corolary To The Transverse Property Of Hotdogs or The Transverse Property Of Hot Dogs (Tiger Woods Corolary)

I know what you're saying, you're saying, "Bellwether, as if there's a time when I'm NOT thinking of Hot Dogs!!," right?? Well, now all of that thinking of Hot Dogs is gonna pay off, because I'm proud to announce that yesterday, we got our first shipment of Let's Invent The Smell-O-Phone!! And you'd better believe that that baby is chalk full of Hot Dog action!! I mean, it'... ...

This just in: BREAKING HOT DOG NEWS

Dan has just procured for use for our EP RELEASE SHOW AKA CD RELEASE SHOW, the ÜBER™ HOTDOG STEAMER!!

ÜBER™ was the foremost maker of Hot Dog steamers in the 60's and 70's until the horrible summer of '75 when Son of Sam killed his neighbor's talking dog with one. (and that was some dog) ÜBER™ Hot Dog steamers were immediately taken off the market and only a few units were saved. Dan's mother-in-law risked life and limb hiding one in her attic to this day. Fortunately, Representative Madge Whilburz of the Great State of Delaware was able to push thru some legislation earlier this year revoking the ban on ÜBER™ Steamers, and we got one!!

Crude representation of how to use an ÜBER™ Steamer

SO, come one, come all to the EP RELEASE SHOW AKA CD RELEASE SHOW. We'll have fabolous raffles, Chrales Tunes all night, a new CD/EP to release, and all the Hot Dogs you can eat!! Just leave your talking dog at home.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

EPIC DRAFT PREVIEW

Ahoy-'hoy residents of Charles-ville!!

Apart from being a world class Fishingman, Dan is also an Avid collector of the sights and sounds of the Association aka the NBA aka Basketballs. Yet a bigger fan he is of said "Association"'s Minnesota Timberwolves, who hold the second pick in tonights NBA Draft. So what to do??

MUTHAFRAKKIN' TENDERLOIN ONION RING DRAFT PARTY


Dan's specialty when not serving up saucy drum licks to your face is serving up scrumptious tenderloins and onion rings into your face-skull. And he will do so tonight as we unwrap our recently delivered Let's Invent The Smell-O-Phone discs, fresh off the presses for our CD/EP RELEASE SHOW scheduled for NEXT FRIDAY.

And now, a breif interview with J re: discs & drafts:

BwJ - Yo, 'd we get th' disc's in??

J - My sister said the hotdog cd’s arrived this morning and the package smells like dead fish….i seriously hope the package is full of rotten sardines, this will confirm that I am in fact the star of the Truman show and the producer really hates me.

BwJ - Any predictions for the TENDERLOIN ONION RING DRAFT tonight??

J - I hope Jonnee Turner gets drafted first tonight; he’s really good at making basquets.

Didn't have the hart to tell him that young Jonnee died of a horse tranquilizer overdose last night. So young. So full of potential. It leaves a hole in your heart that can only be filled by onion ring tenderloins

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Dan: The New Songbird Of Our Generation

Proposed lyrics to RubensPaul:

VERSE
Can’t get it through my brain
Show’s cancelled and it’s over.
Can’t get it through the main
Street that’s in my mind.
They cancel all my shows
I got no entertainment.
You know it really blows
It’s time to complicate it.

CHOURUS
It’s time to clone a brand new station
I got all these TV sets encased in resin
Let’s all suck out the DNA, THE DNA!
Isn’t that the plot to Jurassic Park?

Jurassic Park..... Jurassic Park.


He's like a cross between Ted Turner and Lady Gaga, folks.

EARLIER

In Which Our Faithful Drummer Posits The Future Of Television, Demanding A Grassroots Scientific Revolution re: The Cancelling Of "Sports Show"

"We should just start our own television station and bring back Norm [MacDonald], and then cut Jon [Benjamin]'s show down to the best parts. I saw this movie once, I think it was called Wayne's World, where they cloned a television station by extracting dna from prehistoric TV's that had been preserved in resin. Maybe we could try that. Or maybe that was the plot to Jurassic Park. I need a nap."

- DAN

Also: THIS