Hey there Cyberdogs, Hank Stephenson here with another install of "Show Boatin w yours truly, where we cover the most popular open mics in the country and try to find the next big Taylor Swift. Last week we saw Jimmis east world in Yukon, PA at Cho Cho's crab house. If you didn't read the blog, do it now cause it was an amazing show, the crab wasn't to bad either. After heading west we came across Des Moines Iowa, a town know famous for it delicious hummus boards, beautiful bridges and its surprise open mics. One of my readers commented this when he noticed my twitter feed announcing we were hitting Des Moines.
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"Hank so excited your coming to Des Moines for Show Boating, I promise you will find the best open mics around, but you need to seek out one of our famous Surprise open mics we are world famous for. Me and my gal Juliandra were grabbing a Brutus at Applebees the other night and our server recognized me from one of my bands and let me know an open mic just broke out the kitchen. Four minutes later I was playing Turtles songs with the line cook and a half blind pastor named Mr. Gooding JR right next to the salad station... Made the Wat scan us top 10 open mic charts for the week, hope you can run into one of these -Kunie, Des moines"
RENDERING BASED ON HANDWRITING
We had heard of this phenomena before in Des Moines and decided we would try and seek one of these out.We cruised into the city on beautiful interstate 235 and headed downtown to see if we could run into a surprise open mic (Sopen mic). We started our search at dawn at a hot club called the surf shack where they we're serving free hot dogs and had a deal where for 10 dollars you could drink all you wanted out of a 3 oz shitty plastic glass. So we spent the next 3 hours consuming processed meat, drinking sippie cups full of Hawkeye vodka and red juice and waited for an open mic to break out. After hearing what appeared to be a mix tape of the worst dance songs from 1991 4 times we decided to split and cut our losses and see if we could find on open mic the next day an Ames.
While crossing the street we saw a group of fellas mumbling about gear whores and fried chicken, upon stopping to ask them where we could find whores and fried chicken they explained they we're getting gear for an open mic that was rumored to have whores and fried chicken at it, after 3 hours in the most miserable bar in the milky way we caught our brake. The guys we ran into we're a band called "The Big Tuxedos", they had just played at the Vaudeville Mews, a nice little venue that houses a variety of music. We hopped in our car, grabbed 8 four loko's, and followed them to an art warehouse in a neighborhood in Des moines called the east village.
We arrived to find a group of 10 or so people and a band Called New Member Charles playing loud music that sounded like a mixture of Pile Dragons early stuff and Frank Johnson's new york albums. The venue was beautifully laid out with art lining the walls and girls passing whiskey around. Naturally we imbibed the whiskey and began to drink our four loko's while getting used to our surroundings. It was then that we were quickly tele-ported to the neulon region and greeted by 4 winged ferries eating fried chicken. We sat with them as we finished our last drops of four loko and talked of recipes involving sour cream and listen to old albums by one of their favorite artists on a primitive alien music device called a ZUNE. I became chalmed with Tolo the one in green, she told me of her filkening and later took me back to her tree fort and we made made hard gross love and went to sleep in a pile of dead bugs.
"HARD GROSS LOVE"
I awoke back on earth at the open mic but the room had changed, the art was gone it was light out side and no gear or booze remained. A ghost was standing over me smoking meth, it was Charles the 5th member of New Member Charles, the band playing last night before i traveled in time to another dimension. It seems four loko has plutonium in it and allows the heart to work as a flex capacitor allowing for time and space travel and a damn fine drunk. While we didn't get to get to enjoy the open mic or much of New Member Charles or any of the Big Tuxedos we can say this was a top 10 open mic and as far as Sopen mics go Des Moines has it on lock down. Not very often you get to hear some music, travel to another dimension, get laid by a non human intelligent species and get drunk, if i hadn't quit smoking in july and could have had a Marlboro it would have been the perfect night. Get to Des Moines and search one of these Sopen mics out.
Next week we travel to Montana for one of their classic ranching open mics and delicious beef jerky jagerbombs.
Keep open mic-ing,
ME BEFORE EXCEPTING MY AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN OPEN MICS