Friday, October 22, 2010

Show Boatin with Hank Stephenson- this week Des Moines and New Member Charles



Hey there Cyberdogs, Hank Stephenson here with another install of "Show Boatin w yours truly, where we cover the most popular open mics in the country and try to find the next big Taylor Swift. Last week we saw Jimmis east world in Yukon, PA at Cho Cho's crab house. If you didn't read the blog, do it now cause it was an amazing show, the crab wasn't to bad either. After heading west we came across Des Moines Iowa, a town know famous for it delicious hummus boards, beautiful bridges and its surprise open mics. One of my readers commented this when he noticed my twitter feed announcing we were hitting Des Moines.


View Larger Map

"Hank so excited your coming to Des Moines for Show Boating, I promise you will find the best open mics around, but you need to seek out one of our famous Surprise open mics we are world famous for. Me and my gal Juliandra were grabbing a Brutus at Applebees the other night and our server recognized me from one of my bands and let me know an open mic just broke out the kitchen. Four minutes later I was playing Turtles songs with the line cook and a half blind pastor named Mr. Gooding JR right next to the salad station... Made the Wat scan us top 10 open mic charts for the week, hope you can run into one of these -Kunie, Des moines"

RENDERING BASED ON HANDWRITING


We had heard of this phenomena before in Des Moines and decided we would try and seek one of these out.We cruised into the city on beautiful interstate 235 and headed downtown to see if we could run into a surprise open mic (Sopen mic). We started our search at dawn at a hot club called the surf shack where they we're serving free hot dogs and had a deal where for 10 dollars you could drink all you wanted out of a 3 oz shitty plastic glass. So we spent the next 3 hours consuming processed meat, drinking sippie cups full of Hawkeye vodka and red juice and waited for an open mic to break out. After hearing what appeared to be a mix tape of the worst dance songs from 1991 4 times we decided to split and cut our losses and see if we could find on open mic the next day an Ames.


While crossing the street we saw a group of fellas mumbling about gear whores and fried chicken, upon stopping to ask them where we could find whores and fried chicken they explained they we're getting gear for an open mic that was rumored to have whores and fried chicken at it, after 3 hours in the most miserable bar in the milky way we caught our brake. The guys we ran into we're a band called "The Big Tuxedos", they had just played at the Vaudeville Mews, a nice little venue that houses a variety of music. We hopped in our car, grabbed 8 four loko's, and followed them to an art warehouse in a neighborhood in Des moines called the east village.

We arrived to find a group of 10 or so people and a band Called New Member Charles playing loud music that sounded like a mixture of Pile Dragons early stuff and Frank Johnson's new york albums. The venue was beautifully laid out with art lining the walls and girls passing whiskey around. Naturally we imbibed the whiskey and began to drink our four loko's while getting used to our surroundings. It was then that we were quickly tele-ported to the neulon region and greeted by 4 winged ferries eating fried chicken. We sat with them as we finished our last drops of four loko and talked of recipes involving sour cream and listen to old albums by one of their favorite artists on a primitive alien music device called a ZUNE. I became chalmed with Tolo the one in green, she told me of her filkening and later took me back to her tree fort and we made made hard gross love and went to sleep in a pile of dead bugs.


"HARD GROSS LOVE"



I awoke back on earth at the open mic but the room had changed, the art was gone it was light out side and no gear or booze remained. A ghost was standing over me smoking meth, it was Charles the 5th member of New Member Charles, the band playing last night before i traveled in time to another dimension. It seems four loko has plutonium in it and allows the heart to work as a flex capacitor allowing for time and space travel and a damn fine drunk. While we didn't get to get to enjoy the open mic or much of New Member Charles or any of the Big Tuxedos we can say this was a top 10 open mic and as far as Sopen mics go Des Moines has it on lock down. Not very often you get to hear some music, travel to another dimension, get laid by a non human intelligent species and get drunk, if i hadn't quit smoking in july and could have had a Marlboro it would have been the perfect night. Get to Des Moines and search one of these Sopen mics out.

Next week we travel to Montana for one of their classic ranching open mics and delicious beef jerky jagerbombs.

Keep open mic-ing,


Hank Stephenson


ME BEFORE EXCEPTING MY AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN OPEN MICS

PIZZA PARTY

Hello friends!! Well, you all missed a helluva night last night in Charles-burg-ville. So, we were all in the rehearsal space, rucking the fuck out of the dust mites and spiders that generally hang out in the rehearsal space when we ran across a good friend and rehersal space building compadre who informed us that he was starting an OPEN MIC NIGHT in the upstairs portion of the rehearsal space building!! Well, excited as I was about that, I immediately extended the music antenna attached to my brain and started channeling the awesome alien-music-ness and turning it into into awesome human-music-ness via a kick-ass and new BASS LINE.

Well, as usually happenes in a Charles-sesh, J kicked in with a blusey B major5thflat71/2th chord structure on top of said BASS LINE while Dan ran around the drumset like a chicken with his head cut off (he did this like, spiritually, not literally, yo) and laid down the awesome beat. We called this cool breeze of a jam PIZZA PARTY, and proceeded to take it upstairs to the open mic and totally rucked the fuck outta some bitches!!

AWWWWW, YEEEAH

So not only did we debut the new jam (which is still currently a work in progress though, dude), but we ran thru our full stable of Charles Classics that are always guaranteed to raise a smile. Mad props also go to our firends in The Big Tuxedos who traveled accross the great Des Moines River to share in our open mic-ness and play a set after us. Wicked. And also to Amy Badger for rucking some solo KAREN O up on stage after that. Amy is the new lead singer in my other, Charles-less project called Love Songs for Lonley Monsters which (quick plug, yo) play on Thursday October 28 at Vaudeville Mews with JOAN OF ARC. Double Wicked.

As soon as we figure out who the hell the guy who threw the open mic was (we still don't know), we'll try to get the pictures he was taking up on the site. As for J, I'm sure he'll be along shortly to give a slightly different, yet entirely more amusing take of what we will from now on call our WEEKLY ANNUAL PIZZA PARTY OPEN MIC, BITCHES.

Whiskey bottle pulls for all!!

Huzzah!!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

New Member Charles...Now Headliners!

Ehoy Rabid Charles fans, I write you with big big news. From the onset of our bandness Dan Chris and I have been following a 6 year plan to global dominance, after which we hope to have our song Jokey Smurf Box be the new Global Anthem and The Spotted Ghost be the new world government mascot. It appears this is going to happen sooner then expected now.
.
We played our 4th show last night at Des Moines's's's own Vaudeville Mews and after playing to a near packed house we we're told that the show was over, meaning we were the only band to play on the bill for the late show.. meaning.... more dots.... a few more dots.... we just headlined!
.
The details of why we were the only band to play are unimportant at this juncture what is important is the we now know we have to ability to headline and carry a whole show on our own, as long as that show is only supposed to be 35 minutes long and earn a raging 11 dollars. We hadnt planned on reaching this milestone until August of 2012 which means you'll prolly be seeing lunch boxes and teenbeat magazines with our faces on em with in the comming days.
.
Being that we were the suprise headliner our label's graphic designer Limmith Temon didnt get a poster out or run a promotional campaign, which is understandable, no hard feelings Limmith. That doesnt mean we're not going to though, so without further charpeting I'm proud to unvail our 1st poster as a headlining band and encourage you all to come to our show last night October 9th 2010 at the Vaude.
.
We have also decied to call this a World Tour as we need to cross that off our bucket list as well
All in all it was a good show and we hope you enjoy it, it saw the 1st incarnation of our new Song Jokey Smurf Box and was the first show that Charles failed to make it on stage for, due to an apparent Yoohoo overdose, he is now in stable condition and we are told he is going to be fine for a guy that is already dead. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO COME TO THE SHOW AT LEAST 15 MINUTES EARLY AS SPACE WILL BE LIMITED.
Stay tuned for further dates and info on our new Demo that will hopefully be in the works in the next month or 2.
We are all candy
J

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Here's How My Fictional Conversation With the Members of Remma Will Go Tonight

Oh, hi members of the band Remma. So, you're the Irish band from Cork, Ireland who New Member Charles is opening up for tonight at the Vaudeville Mews in Des Moines, IA show starts at 10:00 PM so be there at 10:00 PM sharp. Hey, I heard that you were signed in 2003 by none other than Morrissey, right??



Wow, that's great, so you know Morrissey too?? Yeah, that's right. Me and Morrissey* go way back. He told me that we were playing together tonight, and that you would be bringing me a present. So...oh, you don't know what I'm talking about?? Haha...that Moz. What a cut-up. So like him to be forgetful.

Well, anyways, the next time you see him, don't forget to remind him to send me that autographed first edition print of Meat is Murder. Sure, he'll act all aloof and probably say that he has no idea who I am, but haha...that's just like him.

Oh, and here's three pounds of Iowa pork chops to give him...I'm sure he'll love them.